There are some lines that never need to be spoken but only need to be heard.
There are some words that can never be written but can be recollected among the gossamer of sensitive nostalgia.
There are whispers that can never be heard beyond the lips of the conveyer but can be resonated in a din within the ears of her beloved.
Such lines, word and whispers are rare. These are such lines, words and whispers. I know not if this is a dedication, recollection or flashback into time long gone.
It was the end and there was no turning back nor was there an option to do so. Come what may, the inevitable is the protagonist of this saga.
Da, you should get into some engineering college. You have the brains for it.
Is that all you have to talk about?
No da, you need to think about it, you gave up a year for something you knew cannot be controlled by you.
That is why I did that because I need all the time I had left with you.
I will not argue with you because I cannot remake the past for if I could we would not be here today in this situation
What did the doctor say?
For nearly a year I heard their words, nowadays I keep away from all that, I just calm myself within the beeps of the my ECG, wails of loss and signs of relief that shows in my hospital room and its corridors.
I just do not know what I will do when you are gone. I am scared da.
You were scared when you proposed me and then nervous, giddy and now you are alright having me around. The same goes the other way around, you are scared when I am leaving you and then you be nervous, giddy and then you will move on.
I just do not understand da, I have not seen you cry or even show pain whenever I talk to you. I mean why do you do that, can you not at least share it with me.
You kill yourself everyday just thinking what I feel, that too by just being here with me. You have been a part of me and there is not much I have not told you.
So there is something you have not told me yet eh?
Yes, I have but then one day you will know it all, be it when I am breathing or among the dead.
I do not want you to die.
You cry like a girl da. Can you please lift me up and help me to the toilet. I need to pee.
Okay but let me call Bhabhi. You will need her help as well.
Da! Why do you have to call Bhabhi for this silly thing, she has a lot of chores in the kitchen after all it is not always that her beloved sister in law comes home for dinner. Moreover they feed cancer patients with awful food.
Okay. Fine. Lets go.
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Da! I was not that heavy was I?
Oh just do your thing will you and I will answer that once you are done!!
Can you pass me the towel please?
Here, let me know when you have but your dress back on.
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Okay I am done. Now help me wash my hands.
Okay. Can you stand up by yourself or do you want me to hold you.
Good question. I cannot get up from here. So if you could first help me put in my salwar pants it would be grateful.
What!!
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Thanks da. I love you
I love you.
Is there something you need? I will go ask bhabhi
No da. Just sit here will you. I need you tell you all those I have not told you.
Oh really! Thanks.
Okay then, just go to my blue cupboard and open that locker.
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There are a lot of things here.
Yes, I know, just take out that those blue dairies.
You mean the ones with your father’s company emblem.
Yes da.
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These are my dairies. You can read them all but not today or tomorrow? Just keep it with you.
Okay but what if there are some really personal things in it?
All that I write in that diary is always meant for you. You should read it but with one promise.
What promise? That I should always keep it with me?
No. Burn after reading but I need you to start writing. Start writing about us with those lovely poems and prose you write for me. Share some of our stories with the world.
I do not think I can do that da. I just cannot even think a life without you. I mean how do tell about you when even our parents do not know about you and me.
You should thank my brothers for that. They love you more than me; they will always keep us within their guard.
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My brother and bhabhi says that you will take a long time to become normal after I leave you. Bhabhi and her psychology degree were giving an expert opinion. Whatever the case may be, I wish you forget me fast. Share me with your best friends (that is if you have any left after me , may be some people can feel happy about it.
Okay I will try.
No trying da. It is a promise. A dying soul’s promise.
Why the fuck do you say like that.
Because it is the truth and there is no use lying da.
I promise I will write about you and my poems and those little adventures we had in school days. I will share it.
Thanks and one day when you feel that you have had enough of me and that the world needs to hear no more of me. You will stop.
I do not think that will happen.
Just wait and see. Bhabhi says you will either get over me or find a new love or else you will just keep doing foolish things about love because you will be confused about my love and the other gal’s love. She says you will never have that love feeling in you instead all you will have is attraction.
Whatever that means, for me I loved you first and you have given me happiness in that.
I know da. I love you for that but promise me you will write all about me and then forget me.
FOR ME AND BY HER, IT ENDS NOW. THE MADNESS IS GONE. SO LONG PROFANE INSANITY. REST IN PEACE MY WILD ONE.
NEVER HAS ANYONE IN ALL THESE YEARS THAT PASSED BY HAVE EVER CAME TO COO & WOO THAT HEART OF MINE. I WAITED FOR THAT SOMEONE. MANY CAME, MANY I ‘DISCOVERED’ ALL IN THE WAY OF FOLLY. NOW TIME HAS TAKEN TOLL. I END MY SEARCH NOT IN DESPERATION BUT IN KNOWLEDGE OF THE FACT THAT LOVE IS ALWAYS ONCE WHILE THE OTHERS ARE MERE INFACTUATIONS OF THE WOUNDED HEART.
Dedicated to the friend “who know me very well” and thinks I am desperate.
