A Play called Love

The last few days, I had a good talk with two of my best friends in my life. One was Shee, my Guardian Angel and the other my buddy, Parti. It was good. Shee told me to forget her and move on. The fact is I had moved on but somewhere this thing called lovely memories lingers. Parti had similar bad experience (in terms of coming terms with a breakup) with his with childhood love interest. He never asked me about my experience for somewhere he knew he had known more than enough from me about my love interest. The fact is I had moved on but somewhere this thing called lovely memories. This blog is tribute to the emotion called true love and is inspired by my talks with Shee and Parti. I feel it is time I shared this magical journey for like Shee once said,

“Musee, she is always yours but I tell you to let her go”.

So I let go of her, I give her a blind eye and deaf ear and I give the world our stories. This is one of them

It was just another day at school, got expelled from Physics class as usual for not doing the homework and then goofed up the biology practical with utmost precision. Walked back to the Kakkad bus stop which was near my school, boarded an excessively overloaded bus for my 30 minute travel to the place called Caltex Junction. The day was just pathetic and it was aggravating the recent feeling that I had about hating school days. I guess I was missing my old school and my good old Middle East days or was it something to do with certain inevitable circumstances that were lingering around me. I so very wanted to let go of all that was building inside and leave behind all the din and chaos created in my mind.

My mind wandered as I strayed amidst the flow of people that had clogged the street during the “end of work/school” hour. I sat down in the ICH at Caltex junction, ordered my all time favourite coffee and that rather uniquely flavoured vegetable cutlet. The coffee felt so good and that tangy little sauce (if you could call it sauce) given with the cutlet just ceased my wandering mind as I felt at ease. I looked at my watch; it showed Friday, 4:55PM. 5 Minutes for Holy Angels and Premanand sir’s Math Tuitions. I hated Maths, all it did was play ruthlessly with number, create chaos with symbols and theorems; and then finally it sums up all this chaos by saying that both the Right Hand Side and Left Hand Side are Right.

Friday, My mind recollects, Shez was visiting for the weekend for she yearned to be away from all that medicines, radiations, white clothed people and highly nauseating ambience. I sprang to my feet from the seat which was gobbled up by a pair of hands among the many that buzzed around it after seeing that I had only half cutlet left to consume. I paid the bill, went to the nearest phone booth, and dialled her number. The phone rang; it rang and rang until;

“Hello”

“Hello”

“Mushi!! “

“Hi da, when did you reach?”

“I came reached here by the Madras Mail, I will be going to Mahe now”

“Oh is it? Who is coming with you?”

“Ikaka and Bhabi”

Her elder brother was accompanying with her that means I will have to ask him if he can drop me in Thalassery. That is not an easy job, I guess I will meet her tomorrow.

“Hey are you still in Kannur?”

“No da, I am in Thalassery, left school in the noon”

“Mushi, do not lie, I know you are in Kannur. Tell me where you are and we will pick you up”

I told her where I was. The call ended. I need to buy her something. I bought her Little Hearts, her all time favourite biscuit.

15 minutes flew fast as I tried to control my happiness of meeting her. They came and I entered the car in the back seat.

“Asalamallikum”

“Wallaikumm Salam” in a chorus

I gave her the packet of biscuit.

“Oh oh! Just for her eh? Nothing for the driver and his poor little wife?”

They laughed, the two of them; then Bhabi turned around and looked at me

“Da! We missed you!”

I smiled.

“Shezu lost patience waiting for that letter of yours and so she came to Kannur”

I looked at her. Those magical eyes that glittered even amidst those dark blotches of death that was around them. Her skin was fading into darkness but yet there was a glow that filled my heart.

“Da! Enough I am not all that beautiful now because I am getting fried everyday”

I kept mum. Bhabi and Ikaka turned their attention to the traffic. I touched her hand. She gave me a look of utter surprise for she always knew I was rather too shy when it came to physical contacts of any sorts with her and evaded them at all times.

“You hands have become thin”

“No problem da, I like it this way?”

Did she like it or was that she had to like it?

“You look sad? What Happened?”

“Nothing, it is just I feel very uneasy?”

“You think too much Mushi, you always did. You think for the good and you think for the bad”

I just looked at her

“You never think about yourself da. You think of things other than yours and then feel sad”

She was just 17 but her words and presence of mind matured at a pace equivalent to the vile growth that had by then eaten up more than half her body.

“You miss me badly, you miss school in Saudi, you miss your friends out there, and you fear you are losing all that you always wished for”

“Yeah! Must be”

She just smiled. Opened the packet of biscuit and passed to her Bhabi and Ikaka. They took their share and then gave it me. I returned it to her.

The rest of the journey, I just held her hand as we both looked opposite ways watching the landscape and traffic outside. At times we glanced at each other as we shared the packet of biscuits. Ikaka and Bhabi just went on with their talk with an occasional glance/question on whether we both are still awake.

That was us, just me and her and the world around. Just me and her and our warmth of our hands. Just me and her and the happiness within of having met each other. Just me and her and the pain that we feel of the impending parting. Just me and her and our heart filled with the joy of love.

The journey ended, my destination came. I looked at her. She had fallen asleep. The medication was always getting the better of her. I let go her hand. I thanked Bhabi and Ikaka.

Before I got out,

“Hey Museem, I guess she has something for you?”

“Oh is it? No probs, I will ask her next time, she is sleeping now”

“No da! Just opened her bag, you can find it easily.”

I opened the bag. It was a small envelope. I showed it to Ikaka.

“Yes, that is the one. She wrote it for you while in the hospital, we read it and it was beautiful”

Bhabi Nodded

“Thank you Museem. Thank you for giving her happiness in this painful time”

I took my leave and they drove away. I opened the envelope, unfolded the paper within, then I read;

My time flies with none to wait

The air I breathe nauseate me.

I fight against something I cannot stop

In me lies a desire.

A desire not to win

A desire to turn back time.

To live once again but with one change

Let him be not known to me.

Let me be one among the million in oblivion.

For when I take my last breath, all I need is a heart that never was

A heart that never felt my love

A heart that never tormented him

A heart that I love and he carries heavily now.

I wish I can turn time.

I wish I can keep him away from me.

For our love bargained for his soul and now it is shattered.

My mind wandered as I strayed amidst the flow of people. My eyes blurred. Was it tears or was it just the blur? Felt myself in a time wrap. I felt myself my go numb. I reached home. Excused myself with a headache and finally let go of all that was building inside and left behind all the din and chaos created in my mind.

Dedicated to the saga called Love.

The prose was written in 2000 by Shezu