A Deck of Hearts

Love life had taken toll on me by the dawn of 2000. I knew we were going to lose the battle against time. I had ‘skillfully’ planned to ensure that I skip a year. There was guilt and hatred within for letting down the ambitions of the ones who had brought me up all these years but then there was this pain of losing my beloved forever if I followed on ‘successfully’ after my schooling days. It was not the pain of love but instead the pain of giving up on a soul that found solace and at times sheer excitement just being with me during the last few moments of her life.

The story continues

The dawn of 2000 saw me shattered, left with nothing but pain in all sides of life, be it academic or personal. I looked down the tunnel of despair but yet there they were, my folks and Shez, keeping faith with anxious concerns that I will get out of it. By the end of 2000, I knew my academic objectives and how I will accomplish them to realize the dreams of my folks, though I did have academic plans of my own, I knew I will not be able to get a hold of them. Shez had instilled in me a new type of confidence in me. She always said “Let that heart desire and mind wander forever for then only can the tormented soul within be tamed with reason”. I desired for her, my mind wander for purpose but still my tormented soul was tamed by her dogged determination of keeping loyal to your roots.

As the first 365 days of the new millennium came to a close, I realized that our parting was near. I skipped a beat whenever I thought of it, she felt freer realizing that she will soon be among the stars in the velvet black blanket of the sky. She would soon be shining amidst the darkness upon all her beloved ones.

Come December, one of her brothers called me to say that 2001 will see the end to the beautiful moments they have experienced so far in life. My mind blanked, my heart fainted but my soul held still knowing it was all bound to happen. I knew about madness but it was then that I actually experienced it.

She said she wanted to meet me, I knew she would. I promised I would meet her. I had to meet her and I needed to tell her something as well. I needed to make a break for it now after all she is not going to be there with me forever.

One evening of December 2000, I walked into the ward. She was a sleep after all what else can she be doing after all that ‘frying’ she gets. I waited till she woke up; she smiled and told me she was expecting me the next day only. I said I had a reason to come there a day earlier. She asked me the reason; then I said

“Shezu, if God gave you another 15-20 years more in life, would you make me a part of it?”

“You came all the way to ask me this silly question?”

“Well if it is silly then I am sure you will have a quick answer”

There was a short silence and then

“I need some time, go home Mushi, see you tomorrow”

She just turned her head away and called for assistance. I walked away. I will give her time but I need an answer.

The break of dawn took longer than expected. Her first vision of the morning was seeing me showing up in the hospital.

“Mushi, do not tell me you did not sleep yesterday”

“Nope I did, it was just that I was waiting a bit too much for sunlight”

She smiled

“Well, you got your time; now tell me your answer”

“Mushi, you already know the answer”

“Well, then just say it da”

“Mushi, you stubborn moron, you do not take anything for granted eh?”

I kept looking at her

“Yes, I will Mushi, I will keep you always in my life”

That I all I wanted to hear. I touched her hand

“Thank you Shezu”

I walked away from her, outside the hospital, into the morning rays of sunlight. I felt myself at ease. I saw the world shine. My heart filled with joy. My soul enriched by the melody of love.

Such was the magic of the Wild One. Rest in peace my beloved. God Bless